Living

Life is good.And not just when things are going great. Not just when we are able to live out some amazing dream or have some spectacular experience. Life is good even when it’s awful because as often as we may have times of weakness or feelings of resignation, there will still be the remaining fact that we are all walking miracles.

We are living and breathing and capable of such beautiful and brilliant things. Sometimes I just stop and put my hand to my heart and feel its’ beat. I allow it to calm me as I reflect on all of the complex things that are currently happening in my body simply to maintain that beat.

Life isn’t always about achieving some incredible success or experiencing a million and one things. As much as those things can enhance our time on earth, there are still the small moments that should be focused on too: Spending time with family and friends, having positive and supportive people in our lives, drinking tea on a quiet sunny morning, singing at the top of your lungs, eating ice cream, hugging really tight, taking a walk or exercising; and realizing how incredibly lucky you are to have the physical capabilities to do these things because there are many many people who would give anything to be able to do what you are able to do on a daily basis.

I could go on but basically: Perspective.

Daydream

One intense fantasy that I have involves spending endless days and nights camping on some tropical island with a bunch of the best people in my life.

Days would be spent basking in the sun, swimming, exploring, eating and drinking, while singing and dancing to a Jimmy Buffet-esque playlist.

Nights would be spent in the same exact way except that a warm and relaxing campfire would take the sunshine’s place.

I daydream and fantasize about this on almost a daily basis.

Growth.

Wow. Its been a while. Over a year.
I just read some of my past entries and am shocked to realize how much I have changed since then. 2012 brought so many unexpected things into my life that I am so incredibly grateful for. What really hit home for me was something I wrote in my first blog entry as a letter to the new year. I wrote:

"2012, please be memorable, enlightening, breathtaking, different, adventurous, and full of love."

...and boy did 2012 deliver. God gave me a beautiful new year full of so much growth and experience. It had its ups and downs as every year does as well as many challenges that had to be overcome but I've learned so much from being here at Potsdam. Even just these first two semesters have provided me with connections, people and knowledge that will stick with me for years to come.

Being away on my own has really put things in perspective. I know this is just the very beginning and I have a long way to go in every aspect but I'm so thankful to have this opportunity. 2013 has had a rocky start but I'm making the most of it and continuing to learn. I'm excited and a little anxious to see what these next few months (and next semester) bring. I am going to try to document my journey a little bit more (mostly for my own benefit) and continue putting everything into perspective.

Change.

So since my last post a lot has happened.

classes have started up again.

my best friend left for the Air Force and won't be back until August.

I submitted my applications to six different schools to transfer to in the fall.

...so yea after all of that change I'm a little bit overwhelmed. Right now I am simply taking it one day at a time and cherishing each one because I realize that these days are limited. after this semester so many things in my life are going to change. I'm still not sure what my summer is going to consist of yet as far as jobs go and after that my younger friends are going off to college now too. Right when I'll be leaving for who-knows-what school, my best friend will be coming home and going to whichever school she decides on.Essentially it comes down to the fact that things are never going to be how they are at this point in my life again. I feel like I did at graduation last year but multiplied by ten. It really hit me hard when Samantha left for the Air Force last Sunday and this past week has just consisted of me coming to terms with all of this inevitable change that is coming up so fast.

I'm Changing.

My friends and family are changing.

Life is nothing but constant change and the faster I can accept that, the easier everything else will be.

I know things can't stay the same. I know that I need to move on, grow up and change.

I need to stop being afraid, and embrace everything that God
 throws at me.

Confusion.

Well it's been quite the interesting week to say the least. my mind is reeling a mile per minute lately so its hard to know where to even begin. I've been so overwhelmed that i have moments where it's difficult to keep a thought together long enough to form coherent sentences.
essentially, the main questions that have been running through my mind boil down to the same ones we all ask ourselves at some point. I've been asking myself these questions without finding any answers for far too long.

WHAT do I want to do with my life?
WHO do I want in my life?
WHY do things happen the way they do?

The future is scary. not knowing the answers to these questions is scary. I'm in the process of finding myself. finally figuring out who I am and who I want to be. It's hard and it's confusing but I'm starting to realize that I need to listen to my gut instincts more. I need to start believing in myself.

One. Step. At. A. Time.

2012.

Dear 2012,
I know that the year before you had a lot of ups and downs, and i know that you might feel pressured to be just as varied, diverse and unpredictable as 2011 but believe me when i say that none of that will be necessary. Don't worry about comparing yourself to other years. please.
 2012, please be memorable, enlightening, breathtaking, different, adventurous, and full of love. i realize that this is a lot to ask so if some of those requests aren't possible, all i really want to say is...

2012 please be good to me.

Beginnings.

Oh, hello! I didn't see you there. how are you doing? My name's Jen. I like reading and writing and musical theater and taking pictures and singing and laughing and other generally enjoyable, creatively engaging activities :) anyways I'm glad you have somehow stumbled across this blog and I hope you'll give it a chance, even though it isn't completely developed yet.

I suppose most things begin with a rough start. So let's consider this first entry as just that. A very rough start to what will hopefully be a semi decent blog. thanks to my spectacular friend Nicole and her blog as well as my quirky yet sagacious and seasoned former art teacher, I've decided to give this thing another try. I haven't quite figured out the point yet but I'm hoping with some practice and experimental writing, I'll gain some followers and a more centered and focused blog. Only time will tell :)